Amanuensis

John 7:25-27 Some of the people who lived in Jerusalem started to ask each other, “Isn’t this the man they are trying to kill? But here he is, speaking in public, and they say nothing to him. Could our leaders possibly believe that he is the Messiah? But how could he be? For we know where this man comes from. When the Messiah comes, he will simply appear; no one will know where he comes from.”

I was right there. In their midst. Doing miraculous works only the Father could give Me the power to do. Yet, they did not recognize Me. They had their preconceived notions of how I would come, when I would come, what I would do. So it is today. There are many who will say they know when I will come again. They purport to know who will rise in opposition to Me in the last days. They believe they know who it will be, how it will all unfold. Yet, they do not know My Word. It has been written that no one will know. No one. So do not be deceived nor be led astray. Eyes on Me, not on those who say they know what is going to happen. Only the Father knows. Focus on Me, and Me alone, and leading others to Me. That is why you have been chosen for this time. 

1 Samuel 5:10-12 So they sent the Ark of God to the town of Ekron, but when the people of Ekron saw it coming they cried out, “They are bringing the Ark of the God of Israel here to kill us, too!” The people summoned the Philistine rulers again and begged them, “Please send the Ark of the God of Israel back to its own country, or it will kill us all.” For the deadly plague from God had already begun, and great fear was sweeping across the town. Those who didn’t die were afflicted with tumors; and the cry from the town rose to heaven.

So it is with your Nation. The rulers of your Nation sin greatly against Me. Yet, it is the people who suffer. Do you not see? Until the people of your Nation rise up, repent of allowing all of this evil to prosper, and remove the evil from government, the suffering will continue. I cannot and will not habitate an evil people. And allowing evil to continue is tantamount to committing the evil. What will you do? Will you continue to turn a blind eye to all that is done by your rulers? And yes, though your people would like to call them “public servants or elected representatives”, they have long ago ceased to serve their citizens and are rulers over you all. They are equal to the most repressive rulers that have ever held reign over a people. What shall I do? Continue to bless a Nation that allows its elected officials to openly and egregiously sin against Me? Continue to bless a people whose rulers bow down to and serve your enemy? Do not miss this. Lack of action is action. Lack of decision is a decision. Lack of acknowledgement is not a lack of knowledge but a choice to ignore what you already know, deep down. You know they are evil. You see what they do. You suffer the outcomes of their decisions. So turning a blind eye is not an option. And I will not participate. Blessing you means I bless your enemy. And that is not a possibility. So, Children, choose and choose wisely. You are running out of time. Your Nation is close to being completely destroyed. And I will not exist alongside nor condone rampant sin. And that is what runs your Nation. So, repent. Pray. Act righteously. Stand for Me. Otherwise, I can not and will not stand for you, as a Nation. Do not listen to the lies that you will lose your salvation. Your faith assures that. But you will lose your Nation. That is yours to protect and save. 

1 Samuel 1:24-28  When the child was weaned, Hannah took him to the Tabernacle in Shiloh. They brought along a three year old bull for the sacrifice and a basket of flour and some wine. After sacrificing the bull, they brought the boy to Eli. “Sir, do you remember me?” Hannah asked. “I am the woman who stood here several years ago praying to the Lord. I asked the Lord to give me this boy, and he has granted my request. Now I am giving him to the Lord, and he will belong to the Lord his whole life.”  And they worshiped the Lord there.

Do you see? Can you relate? Hannah was broken, shattered, tormented by the lack of a child. She pleaded with Me to grant her desires to be a mother, and promised that she would dedicate the child to Me. And so. She was granted her wishes, and gave birth to a son, Samuel. She had her most treasured possession – a child. And yet, though this child represented all she had ever wanted, when he was but a few years old, she gave him back to Me. She kept her promise. She was fulfilled and grateful for the time she had spent with Samuel and the fact that she had been able to become a mother. What do you treasure? Do you not believe I can or will grant your wish? Are you willing to offer it all back to Me if I ask for it? Can you hold loosely to what this world has to offer and instead treasure your relationship with Me above all else? Search your heart, Child. I am aware of how difficult these times are for you, just as I saw and ministered to Hannah in her deepest times of despair and sadness and anguish. I am here, Child. I see you. I hear you. I love you. Hang on. And don’t miss that Hannah’s sacrifice was not unseen – she was repaid five fold.

Judges 17:6. In those days, Israel had no king; all the people did whatever seemed right in their own eyes.

And so your world today. The chaos of your world stems from that exact problem: everyone does what seems right in their own eyes. Unfortunately, human eyes are usually turned inward. Instead of seeing clearly what is right and true, what you see is filtered by your own wants, desires, thoughts, impulses, emotions, hurts, pain…. Instead of seeing objectively, instead of being capable of looking outward – seeing others and their needs and desires and wants and hurts – you are blinded to everything but yourselves. Or, at best, what you see is seen through the filter of self. Why? Because you have no king. You have elevated yourselves to My rightful place. You have cast images of false gods and that is what you bow down to and obey. Pride. Fame. Fortune. Position. Power. Pleasure. Revenge. Self-preservation and promotion. Self. Self. Self. It always returns to that: self. The same sin that took down your enemy is what is taking down your Nation, your world – the desire to be equal to Me. To be in charge. To be the creator. To be the script writer. To be the possessor of knowledge. To be the one with all power. To be giver and taker of life. All of this because you have no King.  John 3:19-21 “God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.”

Judges 7:19-22 It was just after midnight, after the changing of the guard, when Gideon and the 100 men with him reached the edge of the Midianite camp. Suddenly, they blew their rams’ horns and broke their clay jars. Then all three groups blew their horns and broke their jars. They held the blazing torches in their left hands and the horns in their right hands, and they all shouted, “A sword for the Lord and for Gideon!” Each man stood at his position around the camp and watched as all the Midianites rushed around in a panic, shouting as they ran to escape. When the 300 Isralietes blew their rams’ horns, the Lord caused the warriors in the camp to fight against each other with their swords. Those who were not killed fled…

Do you see that it does not matter about you? Your strength, your wisdom, your knowledge, your abilities – none of that matter. If I am determined to defeat your enemy, I will do it. You just need to trust Me, keep your eyes on Me, and follow My directions. Look at Gideon. 300 men. Only 300 men. Against thousands of well-equipped soldiers. Yet, they defeated them. How? By following My directions – which on paper would have seemed ludicrous – stand outside your enemies’ camp, break clay torches in jars and blow trumpets. That was it. No weapons. No hand-to-hand battle. Just make noise and shine My light. I did the rest. I caused them to kill each other. I caused the rest to flee. Trust Me, Child. I am taking care of what is going on in your life. Eyes on Me. Listen for My voice and follow My instructions. The key is: trust Me. Just Me. 

This is a new silence. It is deep, lifeless, vacuous. It is not oppressive, yet it sucks the life out of everything. It highlights the loss of an energy, a life source. It surrounds me, invades my soul, yet does not impede me. It is empty. A black hole. Lifeless yet possessing a life of its own. Empty yet representational of the vital life energy that has been lost in this space. It changes the tone and character of my home. There is a deep stillness – an aura of death of sorts, yet not dark or threatening or frightening. Just profoundly sad and empty. It resonates with regrets and wishes for different outcomes. The loss can be felt in every corner – there is no escaping the silence. There is yet the background noise of life – birds chirp, cars drive by, the coffee maker gurgles, the keyboard keys click and I catch my breath. But those sounds are simply an upper layer hovering over the silence which undergirds it all. It is sorrow expressed in void. A void that is irrevocably present, unchanging and unable to be altered. A life has been ended and cannot be revived. A spirit has passed from this world and can not be harkened back. A voice has been silenced never to be naturally heard again. It does not matter that it was the right time, that it was a decision that spared future pain and suffering. No, in my human selfishness, what matters is that I am left with this profound void that cannot be altered but must be experienced – relentlessly. I am left to navigate this new silence, this new emptiness, this new knowledge – that in my selfishness, I have made this all about me. Because, after all, I am the one left behind in this all encompassing silence. I am the one left to navigate this new course of life that is defined by this silence. I am the one left here with the knowledge that there is no remedy but time, and time will only dull the pain and create more layers of sound over the silence. But, in my core, the silence will forever remain causing all outer sound to echo in the depths of my soul.

This silence is new in its profundity. I have known the silence created by loss before. Every death brings a silence to my life. When my father died the silence was a silence of future possibilities. The ending of a young new relationship we had established. It silenced a lifelong desire to know him better. When my older sister left, it was the silencing of the promise of a new, healthier journey. It took the joy of her newfound faith in Christ from our lives and left unexpressed what her life may have become as she walked and grew into that faith. When my little sis died, the silence was softer, more flowing, more beautiful – representational of her artistic, expressive soul. It was a reverential silence, one which acknowledged how difficult her life here had been for her. It sucked the color and beauty out of my world for a time. Losing my brother brought the silence of regret. Sorrow that we never were close, never able to bridge the gap that had existed between us all of our lives. When my mother died, the silence was deafening – life-changing. It was the silence born of losing the one person who loved me unconditionally and fiercely. It was a soul numbing – perhaps even killing – silence. That is the silence that has lingered longest and had the greatest impact. There have been other silences that have changed the tenor and tone of my life. Losing Stella brought a depth of silence I did not expect. Stella, who in her blindness taught me how to see, has also taught me about silence. Losing my pets, one by one, each brought its own silence. Losing friends and students added to the layers of silence, each different yet similar in nature.

And now, this last silence. I believe its profundity arises out of the cumulative effects of all the other silences death has delivered. It resurrects each silence, brings them together and they swirl and coil, layer upon layer of silence, thicker and stronger as the cords intertwine and become established as this new entity. Its depth is unfathomable yet I do not physically drown. Its darkness impenetrable while allowing me to function in the light of day. It is the sadness it brings which I cannot escape. It permeates every breath. It dulls the light which surrounds me. It robs all sound of its natural beauty and ability to soothe my soul. It is alive and formidable. I will walk in it, I suppose. I will do what I have been taught to do, open my arms, welcome it and give it to the Lord as I thank Him for each and every life lost that contributed to its existence. And I am left to wonder if the silence will be taken when I am reunited with them or if it will remain part of who I am in eternity.

Joshua 9:14-16 So the Israelites examined their food, but they did not consult the Lord. Then Joshua made a peace treaty with them and guaranteed their safety, and the leaders of the community ratified their agreement with a binding oath. Three days after making the treaty, they learned that these people actually lived nearby!

“But they did not consult the Lord.” How many times have you done something, made some decision, acted out – without consulting Me?  How often do you go about in your life ignoring that you can – and should – consult with Me before making any decisions? You have access to all knowledge. You have access to all wisdom. You have access to all power.  You have access to the One True God – the God who created everything, who sustains everything, who controls everything. Why would you “do life” on your own when you do not have to? Joshua knew that he was to lead My armies and defeat – destroy – all the people in the land I had promised to them. He knew that there were to be no treaties, no peace deals. Yet, he allowed himself – and thus all the Israelites – to be deceived because they did not check with Me. And so, they now had to live with enemies right next to them. Because once they had sworn an oath they were bound by it. How often have you made rash decisions only to realize later you should have prayed about it? You know from many experiences that these decisions can leave you with lifelong consequences. Consequences that could have been avoided had you slowed yourself, checked yourself, practiced self-discipline and patience and prayed about it – seeking My guidance. Slow down, Child. Look to Me. Especially today, when nothing in your world is as it seems. Deception is the norm these days, not Truth and transparency. You know that firsthand. So, look to Me. Always. In all decisions – even those that seem so small. For many small wrong decisions can create a big mess. And when you do know what I ask of you, obey completely. You know obedience is only obedience when it is complete. No cutting corners. No partial obedience. In or out. Decide.

Joshua 4:1 When all the people had crossed the Jordan, the Lord said to Joshua, “Now choose twelve men, one from each tribe. Tell them, ‘Take twelve stones from the very place where the priests are standing in the middle of the Jordan. Carry them out and pile them up at the place where you will camp tonight.’”

It was important that my children erected monuments in the places where I showed my power and glory. It was necessary to remind them of what I had done for them. Why? You, My children, get bogged down in your world, in your daily lives, and quickly forget who I am and what I do for you. Erect monuments, create reminders of what I do in your life. Make notes, keep a diary, create art, whatever is your preferred method. But make some sort of lasting monument to remind you of what I have done for you, how much I have shown My love for you. Your enemy bombards you and your life with distractions, with problems, with horrors, anything he can to distract you from who I am, to take your mind off of Me, to erase your memory of all the times I have protected you, provided for you, comforted you, been beside you. All of that is so quickly forgotten in your life. So protect against that lapse in memory. Keep tangible reminders that can bring you back to what is True and Good and Eternal. Me. My love for you. My protection. My power and glory. Your enemy knows that this is what gives you success – Me in you. So he will try to keep you from remembering – he will try to keep you from seeking Me – he will try to keep you wrapped up tight in anxiety, fear, consternation, anger, unforgiveness, depression, desolation, loneliness – any damaging emotion or state of mind that will keep your focus off of me and on your circumstances. Fight back. Keep Me in your sight at all times. I am how you win these battles. He knows that so don’t you forget. 

Joshua 1:9 “This is my command – be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

The same words I gave to Joshua as he stepped into Moses’ shoes and began to lead the Israelites – the same words I spoke to Joshua when he was about to lead all My people into the land I had promised them – these are the words I speak to you: Be strong and courageous. Your world is dark – darker than it has ever been. Evil surrounds you and it no longer hides its ugly head. It is blatant, out for all to see, no longer ashamed but prideful in its depth and depravity. You need courage and strength. You need fortitude. You need direction and conviction and willingness to continue forward. You need Me. And I am here, Child. I am with you. I am beside you, before you, behind you and within you. I AM. That is eternal Truth. I am leading you, guiding you, protecting you. Believe and trust in those truths. And go forward. Nothing is stronger than you when you are walking in sync with Me. My Spirit is within you and your enemy knows and fears that truth. Be courageous. You are never alone. You are never weaker than your enemy. Do not listen to his lies. You are to lead people to Me. Just as Joshua was to lead My children the Israelites into the land I had promised their ancestors, so you are to lead My children to Me. You who love Me are to lead those who do not know Me to Me. Simple. You are a Moses. You are a Joshua. You are a modern day John the Baptist in the wilderness of the evil and darkness and sin that is your culture, your Nation today. Be a leader of the lost. I will guide you. I will give you the words to speak. I will place you in the perfect places, at the perfect moment to help the lost. Trust Me, Child. I have chosen you to live in this time and this place with your faith in Me so that you may be a light to those who are lost and blind in this present darkness. Your life here and now are no accident. They have been part of My plan for eternity. Trust Me. I am with you, I will not leave you. But, your fellows need you, need what you know – need Whom you know – they need Me. Will you help them?  

Deuteronomy 7:1-6 “When the Lord your God brings you into the land you are about to enter and occupy, he will clear away many nations ahead of you: the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites. These seven nations are greater and more numerous than you. When the Lord your God hands these nations over to you and you conquer them, you must completely destroy them. Make no treaties with them and show them no mercy. You must not intermarry with them. Do not let your daughters and sons marry their sons and daughters, for they will lead your children away from me to worship other gods. Then the anger of the Lord will burn against you, and he will quickly destroy you. This is what you must do. You must break down their pagan altars and shatter their sacred pillars. Cut down their Asherah poles and burn their idols. For you are a holy people, who belong to the Lord your God. Of all the people on earth, the Lord your God has chosen you to be his own special treasure.”

As I have chosen you, Child. Burn down the Asherah poles in your life. Tear down the idols. Break the strongholds in your life. I will help you. Until that is done, I cannot fully bring you into the land that I have chosen for you – the life I have chosen for you. Will you obey? Will you seek Me and My help to get rid of all idols and sin that controls you? I am here. I am willing but the longer you wait, the less time you have to be the woman I have chosen for you to be, and the less time you will have living in the land – the life – I have for you. Much of the sin that controls your life is now habit – personality bents – go to behaviors that bring you relief or pleasure. They are second nature. You must be ruthless. You must seek out these behaviors, these sins, these habits and destroy them completely. Just as drugs, alcohol and cigarettes were completely removed from your life – and you know that you cannot allow any of them into your life in any form – so these behaviors, these sins. Search your heart, watch your behavior, monitor your thoughts and turn it all over to me to root out and remove. Only then will you be ready to be what I want you to be. You never thought I could remove cigarettes from your life. It was such an ingrained part of your life – yet you have been free of them for years now. Do you not believe I can do that with the other sin – the other behaviors – that keep you from Me? Trust, child. I am more powerful than any of it. I am more powerful than all of it. I can and will clean up your life if you allow Me to. Will you? Do not believe that your life will suffer – that the quality will diminish – without these things. That is a lie from the enemy. What I have for you will make you happier than you can imagine. What I have for you is what I created you for. What could be better than that?